Monday, June 30, 2008

2008 Lombardi Half-Marathon Preview

It seems like so long ago. But it was only 2 summers past, when the Lombardi clan decided to fight the rising cost of marathons. So what if the price of crude oil is skyrocketing? Why should that mean we have to pay more to run? We should be able to physically abuse ourselves - for no apparent reason other than we having nothing else to do on Labor Day weekend - for free. That summer Cameo took first place and solidified her legacy in the Lombardi history books as she ran along the Provo River in record speed.

Year two saw a jump to twelve participants in the Lombardi Cheapskate Half-Marathon (LCHM), double from the year before. We had an equal mix of runners and walkers, and the scenic route through Butterfield Canyon was one that will not be forgotten. Ty took the trophy home, although the only thing which kept him going was his pinkie swear with Koy at age 4 that he would never get beat by a girl in a sporting event.

Last years sponsor Dr. Koy has official pulled his funding for this year's event. An unfortunate legal battle (see here) involving last years race has brought shame to the event and has forced Dr. Koy to withdraw funding and any support for the race. Dr Koy, who also designed the award winning Butterfield Canyon trail, was recently spotted in Europe by TMZ with a member of a traveling choral group. So much for avoiding scandal.

Cassie has been appointed by an interim committee to head up the design and organization of 2008's half-marathon. She promises a challenge course and would be making her second straight appearance in the event, but she is on the PUP list. (physically unable to perform)

Ty, last year's winner, feeds off the competition of the event. His only complaint is that because he is always in front, he "can't see the people behind him sucking wind in excruciating pain". Having just finished 2nd in the South Salt Lake 5K, he is poised for a repeat in 2008 as half-marathon winner.

Cameo, the lone runner in this fields event having run a marathon, has one goal, and one goal only. To beat Ben. She's not in it for the exercise, she's in it for the glory. Having raised the bar this season by finished the SLC Marathon, she is the early favorite and front runner in Vegas. However, her lack of focus and frequent partying will make it difficult for her to live up to expectations.

Misti will be making her first appearance in the half-marathon. Running was never on her resume, until this year that is. Misti has a set running schedule she claims to adhere to religiously, although paparazzi in New York recently snatched this photo of her on a so-called "run". She has recently run in a 5K and is on pace to be a contender to be reckoned with.

Trista, one of the walkers in this years event, recently returned from Spring Break in Mexico. Still maintaining a perfect figure after two kids, this years event is more for the fun and the family. But watch out, say something sly to this gal, and she might just chase you down and take the trophy herself.

Ben has one 5K under his belt, and will be making his 2nd appearance in the Lombardi half-marathon. Last year he finished third even after being poisoned with ex-lax. Currently in training, Ben has recently taken advice from Olympian Michael Phelps who has suggested a sleek new training suit that should shave off minutes from Ben's time.

Maria is one of 3 participants that have run in all 3 races since 2006. After a full year of working as a personal trainer, she is sure to have the legs this year to make a push for the title.

Jeremy was the lone male to run in the 1st Annual race. He is also the only male to have "finished" a full marathon. He realized soon after that he was not cut out for a life in athletics, so he decided to sign on as the half-marathon water boy. However, this post is officially issuing a challenge to Jeremy: Run the race and beat Ben--if you do, Ty will pay all of your green fees for life.

Gina is a hottie. That said, she is another of our participants who plans on prolonging the torture by walking the half-marathon. She walks with a vengeance and will be looking to add the title to her mantle.

The 3rd Annual LCHM figures to full of great competition and fun. Let us remember why we are doing this event. It is not to save money. It is not for the competition. It is not for the exercise. It is not to win. The purpose of the event is to win BIG. We'll see you at the starting line.

AP News
July 1st, 2008

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Toilet Bowl Blues

Isn't she cute. Adorable. Happy. Fun. Beautiful. Innocent? Not so much.

So for those of you who don't know what Kamri did this past week. I will give a few clues. Yes, this is Pooh Bear. This is clue number one.

Clue number two is a toilet. This doesn't seem to have anything to do with pooh bear. And it doesn't, I just couldn't stomach putting a picture of poo on my blog.

Here is clue number three. I will give you a hint. That is what Kamri's hand looked like. So anyone want to put the pieces together and tell me what Kamri did on Saturday?

Well here is the quick story. I noticed a brown smear on her face. I wiped it off and put it to my nose to smell it. My worst fears (well I never actually thought it would be) came true. It didn't smell like chocolate. I then noticed she was clenching something in her hand. I yelled for Gina after I opened up her hand and saw a brown ball that was half melted in her hand. She smelt it and screamed that it was poo. Kamri started gagging because SHE HAD PUT SOME IN HER MOUTH!! We ran her to the bathroom and started cleaning her off. I then ran through the house to see where the poo came from (her diaper was empty). I asked all the kids and a cousin who was visiting if they had pooed on the ground and they all said no. I looked in the toilet and "wallah"(sp), there was more unflushed poo in the toilet. We then notice she had smeared it on Sara's door too. Her mouth reeked, she had poo all over, and I wanted to vomit.

So where was I when this all happened? I was in Sara's room because she was being disciplined for something she had done and Kamri had free reign in the bathroom for 30 seconds or so. Plenty of time to go digging in the toilet for some poo and have a little after dinner snack. Another funny thing about this was we had friends over for dessert on Sunday night. I had to share this story with them. Once I was done guess what I started dishing out?? Chocolate ice cream and brownies. Mmmmm........

Monday, June 9, 2008

Very Strange Thoughts

Let's start with my crazy dream. I am in the BYU Cafeteria at some conference when a bunch of athletes from BYU starting running down stairs that appeared from the roof. They ran through the cafeteria and it has a pep rally atmosphere. Then I look to my right as all the athletes, many of which were from the girls track team, starting climbing the poles of a roller coaster. They were climbing up in droves, their were hundreds of girls climbing up and it reminded me of some out of control soccer game in Brazil. All of the sudden some girl falls from the top of the roller coaster and plummets to her death. Then 3 more girls all fall on top of some other girls on the bottom. I was scared to death and luckily I woke up in that moment. It was like 4:40am and I wanted to throw up. It was disgusting. I literally had this nauseous feeling in my stomach and I couldn't sleep to well after that. Random.
Guess what image pops up when you type in Prego in google? Nope, not the one below. You actually get about 19 pregnant women (one of which is nude so don't actually do it) and 1 can of tomato sauce. Is there anyone else in the world who thinks that the slang word for pregnant "prego" is the stupidest word ever. What is the point of saying prego instead of pregnant? It's not any shorter. I could understand if the word for carrying a child is the womb was pregnanstipacinaminallterness and you wanted to shorten it with "prego", but prego and pregnant have equal syllables. Plus Gina and I had a race to see who could say pregnant or prego faster, and we tied (although I could have beat her if I really wanted to). My other problem with the word prego is what effect it has had on the actually tomato sauce sales. I really don't know what they have done. I could see how it might go up with increased usage of the word, but then again I don't think that was the kind of branding the the CEO was looking for when he told his marketing reps to get their name out there.
This got me thinking about what would happen to sales of other products if we as a society got confused and started mislabeling things or using inappropriate slang. Like, what if people started referring to hemorrhoids as HEMI. "Yeah, the doc say I have a case of HEMI" I was trying to think of other examples of this word confusion but I couldn't. So, in conclusion, I hadn't posted in a while and thought I would fill some space with this junk. I am now going to get in my car that has HEMI and go visit my PREGO making wife and have some lunch.

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Friday, June 6, 2008

Mind over Mattress

This is how I felt this morning after finishing my 2 mile, 25 minute run. I am training for the 3rd Annual Lombardi Cheapskate Half Marathon and my training schedule says to run an EASY 2 miles this morning at a pace of 10:58 a mile. Yea right! How the heck is that easy. The hardest part was convincing myself to get out of bed. I also decided to push myself and run without an IPOD. That was hard for me. But I just kept thinking about Paul Pierce and the Celtics. They would never give up, so I didn't either!!!