The Way It Is

Reports out of Salt Lake have confirmed that charges have been filed disputing the results of the Lombardi Half-Marathon held last Saturday. The plaintiff, Benjamin C. Arkell, claims marathon volunteers were in on a gambling scheme that had Arkell losing to a girl. Arkell was not available for comment, but his attorney Keith Burton released the following comment to the press early this morning:

"My client, Mr. Arkell has named Jeremy Bell as an inside on the job. He
believes Bell and others made large bets in Las Vegas which would have left them
highly compensated had Arkell lost to a female. As things proceeded during the
marathon, it did not appear that was likely to happen, so Bell took matters into
is own hands. My client feels that the results would have been different had
there been no interference."

Nothing further was revealed, however witnesses have come out and shed light on some interesting details. Emily Fastgirl, who finished ahead of Arkell stated that at the 2 mile mark she was handed a cup of water first, even though Arkell was standing there before her. Maria Lombardi, who followed Arkell for much of the race, believes Bell spiked Arkell's water with Exlax. "I saw him pull of the road just after drinking the water, he had to go pretty bad" Many witnesses have come forth to reveal that apparently Bell, the week before, had threatened to put Exlax in Arkell's drink. The final piece of evidence, found in Ty Lombardi's glove compartment, was a missing chip from Arkell's IPOD shuffle, which mysteriously stopped working at mile number 8, the last water stop in the canyon. It is believed that Bell promised Pace Lombardi, who was driving Ty Lombardi's vehicle at the time, a share of his winnings. Questions are now surfacing regarding Ty Lombardi's involvement. He, of course, was the overall winner. Philanthropist Dr. Anthony K. Lombardi , MD has threatened to pull funding from next years marathon if race volunteers are found guilty.

AP News
08/04/2007