Monday, February 4, 2008

I want to be fat

So, this is a picture of me when I was 9. Do you see how happy I was? I wore that same shirt yesterday and it covers me completely. Back then, it would only cover my belly button. I should have never gone on that stupid Biggest Loser show. Anyway, I just think fat people are happier. Excuse the terminology...maybe I shouldn't say fat-how about gravitationally challenged....anyway......My point is, back then I smiled, I had pecs, and rolls, and dimples. Now, I don't smile, I have no pecs, no rolls, and no dimples. I think I will resort to what Homer Simpson did. (by the way, he looks very happy too)
Homer stuffed himself until he was so fat that he got to stay home and work from the confines of his own home. (I think he even collected a disablility check.) So, in lieu of the fact that I was much happier as a child being fat, and Homer is happier in his one piece dress, and thanks to all the motivation I have received from family and friends who have set New Years resolutions, I hereby announce my newly adjusted resolution. Drumstick please, I mean, drum roll please......My goal for 2007 is to average 1 treat per hour. A treat is defined as something that has lots of sugar and chocolate/caramel/nouget. Obviously there will be times when I can't eat a treat every hour, like when I am fasting or sleeping, so I have decided to go with an average so I can double up when I am awake.

Please do your best to support me. Throw me a twinkie, talk about chocolate, buy me chocolate, whatever you can do. Again, thanks to all of you who have set the example. I can't wait for the day when I can come home from work, plop down in front of the TV, pop open a can of root beer, unbutton the top button on my pants, and chomped down on some ho-ho's. (I've always wanted to get to the point where I had to unbutton the top button of my pants when I sit down)


At February 5, 2008 at 8:26 AM , Blogger Misti Lee said...

I will be more than happy to support you in your cause. Just a note that I have not made any of those food resolutions - mine is to just not go to Walmart! I will buy you some candy for your big 29 birthday!

At February 5, 2008 at 10:44 AM , Blogger Cassie L. said...

Ben, all you need is to be pregnant and then that button will be gone. But since that won't happen, I will send all my extra treats over in your direction. It's a pity that we are all challenged with something, ain't it??

At February 5, 2008 at 12:13 PM , Blogger Jeremy said...

You have never had an ounce of Fat on your body your entire life my right leg weighs more then you!!!!

At February 5, 2008 at 9:04 PM , Blogger Scott said...

Take it from me Ben, you do not want to be fat. How wish I could walk from the bed to the bathroom without breaking a sweat. I haven't seen my feet in years.


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